"Am I doing the right thing?"

I've taken the same Jetblue flight from Boston to Buffalo a million times since August 2019 until August 2023. OK, well, it probably has not really been a million times, but you get the point! I've done it a lot. But this time, when I flew in to Buffalo on August 21, 2023, flying over Diamond Hawk golf course into Buffalo Niagara International Airport, it felt different. I was flying into a place that felt very familiar to me, but deep down, I knew that something was about to change...or, at least, that is what I was thinking at the time. I usually try to use that flight to answer emails and get work done (shout out to Jetblue's free WiFi!), but this time the WiFi was not working (UGH!). When the unexpected happens, I try to take a deep breath and see it as a sign that it is time for me to slow down and engage in some sort of prayer or reflection. Microsoft word works without WiFi, so I used it as a time to write down all of the things I want to tell myself when I graduate from this program in a few years or so. But let me back up...

A quick background on myself: I am originally from Buffalo, New York. It's the home of some of the best food in the country (I'm ready to debate), some of the kindest people on the planet Earth (we are the "City of Good Neighbors," after all), and home to sports teams that break our hearts (#RIPBuffaloBraves - ask me why I will never be a Clippers fan). I grew up going to UB Bulls football and basketball games and even had my high school graduation in the Center for the Arts, but for some reason, I never thought that I would be a UB student. I'll write another blog post someday about my application and discernment process, but for now, I'll just say that UB was not initially on my radar as I was looking for PhD programs. However, as I explored more, I realized that this was a golden opportunity: I could continue to work full time which means that I can continue to pay my bills and contribute to a 401k while also pursuing a PhD from an R1 institution. Sign me up!

Residency week was about 2.5 days. Thursday and Friday were full days of presentations and getting to know others in the program, and Saturday was a combination of orientation activities and some information presentations. I went in thinking, "Am I doing the right thing?" See, initially, I thought I should pursue a degree in Educational Research, Evaluation, Assessment, Psychometrics, etc., but I landed on Information Science as an opportunity to combine all of my interests. It is interdisciplinary and allows me to learn from and with people from other disciplines. After several presentations, it was now my turn to share my research interests:

"Hi, my name is Kayla Burt, but you can call me KB if you want. I am interested in the college admissions process. Well, I was an admissions officer for much of my career." I looked out at the room at folks who have been working for longer than I have been alive. My "career" has been all of 6 years at this point. Why did I say that? I continued, "I've seen all sides. I've done recruiting, a bit of marketing, though it was not my favorite. Oh, my favorite part was evaluation. I saw that we collect lots of data in admissions, but we do not always use it effectively. Let me explain, I want to use predictive analytics and forecasting, and I wish we did more focus groups or interviews to learn how students felt about the process. I want to understand how prospective students get their information in the process and how they use it. On the other hand, I want to study evaluators and understand if the criteria they use to make their decisions is equitable, and does it accurately predict student success? And does anyone really study graduate admissions from an information science perspective? Oh, right. - my advisor, Dr. Hands, does. I have lots of ideas of my own, but my job does not always allow me to explore my interests. Professionally, I am 'stuck' answering other people's questions, but through this program I hope to explore my own interests. Thanks for your time."

Guess what happened! People smiled and nodded. They asked clarifying questions. They also gave me theories to consider using and articles I should read. They even gave me suggestions for methods to use. Yay! For the first time in a while, I felt like I had a community of people who understood me and who were committed to learning and growing with me. A whole community! We were all in it together, and we just wanted to make each other better. So as I observed the ways in which the faculty interacted with each other and with us, the students, I built a list of things I want to remember for myself as I work through the program:

1. Always stay open - One of the faculty in the room mentioned that I should be open-minded when it comes to narrowing my dissertation topic and the methods that I plan to use. But I also want to stay open to learning from others who are different than me. Different opinions and experiences help us grow. This brings me to my next point...
2. Be nice - Sometimes, in different areas of my life, my thoughts and ideas are dismissed for a number of reasons. Maybe people think that I am not experienced enough or that my ways of thinking are too different. Maybe they are used to doing something one way, so doing something differently is too much. I work hard and am eager to be the best I can be, and someday when I come across others who are as eager, I hope I can help them grow into the person, professional, and researcher they were destined to be. I will never "have" time, but I will choose to "make" time. Even in moments of discomfort, I hope that I am able to be nice to everyone and agree/disagree respectfully. We're all people, and you never know what someone is going through.
3. Keep asking questions - I truly believe that we, as humans, are never done learning in a world that is constantly changing.
4. If they aren't laughing at you, your dream isn't big enough - I actually got this one from Tony Parker's hall of fame speech, but I kept reminding myself of this during residency week. During those 2.5 days, I truly felt like I had the freedom to dream big. Over the past few years, it has been difficult to discern who has a vision "of" me vs. a vision "for" me. I have always been an underdog: professionally, in sports, and in many other aspects of my life. I am used to the laughter, and I try my best to use it as fuel. Which ties nicely into my last point...
5. Things are much better in community - Yikes! I am really good as monitoring my circle and going places alone. It is just more comfortable for me (and safer...I'll talk about that in another blog post). But I know I must make time for people who are important to me. A few years ago before I moved to Boston, I built a "committee." It consists of people who are accomplished in their own right, and I know they love me dearly. They are people who are not afraid to tell me when I am messing up or going down the wrong path, but they also remind me to give myself grace. I am soooo bad at this. So as I pursue this degree while working full time, I know I will likely miss some holidays, birthdays, recitals, games, and ceremonies, but I will be open and honest and repay them as best as I can when I reach the other side. If you don't hear from me, I promise, I am OK. Just keep me in your thoughts/prayers, and I'll keep you in mine.

So, here I go. I wonder what I will add to my list along the way. For now, let's get this started! Thanks for coming on this journey with me. Oh, and if you made it to the end of this post, thank you! You matter! :)